Friday, February 19, 2010

I can't leave my house!!

There is the biggest, gnarliest, ugliest spider in my driveway right now!

It is holding me hostage.

I HATE spiders. Apart from those cute little jumpy ones and daddy-long-legs.

I don't know if it is dead or alive and there is no way I'm poking it with a stick to find out in case it runs up the stick at me. I may go out there and throw rocks at it shortly. From a safe distance.

And no it isn't a huntsman. I don't think anyway. It is about a quarter to a third of the size of a huntsman. Which is plenty big enough!!! Maybe it's a baby huntsman?


I think if a fully grown huntsman came up my drive I would have a heart attack.

I am not scared of snakes, mice, rats, bugs, wetas, beetles, moths or ANYTHING else creepy crawly. In fact I think all of the above are pretty cool and some make good pets. But spiders do my head in. Big ones anyway.

I am not going to be able to sleep well tonight. It is going to be out there, menacing me. There is NO WAY any of my windows will be open tonight, I don't care how hot it gets.

I'm too wimpy to even kill it. Although I'm considering backing the car up and down the driveway for a bit. But right now I'm really not keen to go into the garage which is probably crawling with all its extended family and hangers on.

If it sets one vile hairy leg in my house I'll have a spider man out tomorrow. It will be a pity for the 50 or so pet daddy-long-legs I have round the house, but if they are smart they would kill and eat it for me and earn their keep. And dispose of all evidence. I hate big dead spiders almost as much as I hate big alive ones.

I don't even want to go and look at it again. Because what if it is NO LONGER THERE???

And yes I'm aware that I'm about 32,000 times bigger than it is. I'm aware that it most likely is not poisonous. I'm aware it is probably just as scared of me as I am of it. (Well actually I doubt that last point, quite frankly). But even if it is true, any spider hater knows that is SO not the point.


cesca said...

Haha! For some reason I never imagined you to be scared of ANYTHING!

Chia said...

I'm not. Apart from spiders that look like they could eat my cat if they had a mind to.

It's gone now, god only knows where it is. If I find it in my bed you'll probably hear the screech from your place.

Tiki said...

I used to live in Avondale and we had Avondale Spiders (huntsman) coming in the house often. If it was one then they are so gentle, seriously. I think with spiders it's actually the smaller ones, white tails in particular, that are the nasty ones.

Chia said...

Coming into the house often??? Gawd. Remind me never to live in Avondale.

Apparently huntsmen are responsible for quite a few deaths - not because they are poisonous but because they hide in cars and then suddenly appear and scare the crap out of people who are driving at high speeds on the motorway. That actually happened to someone I knew in Aussie. They didn't have an accident, but the entire car was in hysterics until they found a place to pull over.